The other morning I was laying in bed, warm and fast asleep when all of a sudden “OMG! It’s 6:30!!! I’m gonna be late!!” Nick was up within 2 seconds rushing around the room trying to get ready. He stopped, let out a little laugh and said “Well, I guess I was really tired!” This is NOT like Nick. I’ve always been amazed with how his alarm can go off and boom he’s up, without even a second thought. Sure sometimes you get the “I’m so tired” or “I wish it was Friday” but really he gets up with ease. That is so not like me! I have to lay there for like 5-10 minutes looking at my phone or slowly getting up. It’s like I have to adjust to doing this life thing again. Well I’m gonna let you in on a secret, when that doesn’t happen…shit gets weird. It literally makes me sad. Not in the omg I didn’t get enough instagram time sad; the pit in your stomach, I may cry kind of sad. It’s the weirdest! This has happened ever since I was in high school and it wasn’t until a couple years ago I realized this was happening. I can’t shoot right out of bed with my heart pounding or else I may start crying. Even I’m rolling my eyes at myself right now! Ever since I realized this happens, I try to not let it happen and tell myself, sometimes out loud, to stop and that everything is fine. However, the other morning when this happened I really got to thinking about what was making me sad in that moment. I had just posted my 5 Top Vacations post and was adding pictures when I was just overtaken with sadness. You would think memories would be just so happy and don’t get me wrong, they are, but sometimes they hurt. Sometimes a memory is so good that it makes me sad it might not happen again or that, that phase in my life is over.
When I was growing up I shared a room with my sister, we’re 7 years apart so sometimes it would annoy me. She loved being around me and always wanted to be doing whatever I was doing. So sweet but so annoying to the irrational teen girl I was. It wasn’t until I turned 16 or so that I really started to truly love it. Sure we still fought but hey were family, it happens. Now that I’m 24 and moved out on my own with no plans on moving back home or sharing a room with her again it makes me sad in a way. That was such a sweet time, and I know for a fact it’s what made us so incredibly close. It makes me sad that we might not always live in the same place. I got lucky when I moved further up north because my family loved it and followed. So lucky. I know however that it won’t always be that way. I also miss our family and sister trips. I know we will probably have more in the future ( and are in talks of one now) but they are much farther apart. Its hard to get everyone’s schedules to line up. She’s going into college now and life wasn’t how it was when we were both living at home with nothing to do but hang out together. I remind myself though that even though it’s different, it’s amazing in a brand new way.
Another thing that always crosses my mind are the times with my grandparents. Having my nana and poppy around constantly. Their house when I was in high school was just a short walk away so every day I would walk home with friends who lived close by and spent a couple hours with them until my mom could pick me and my sister up. When I learned to drive I still went over and saw them. Things did change but for the sweeter. I would pick them up and go fun places or take them on errands they needed to run. Everything Thursday I would have a lunch day with my Nana. Even though I hate that they are gone, I am so happy I made those memories with them because now that they’re gone it’s all I have.
Now that I live with Nick it makes me so happy I don’t have to leave him anymore. Long distance isn’t very fun and even though we were lucky and got to see each other most weekends it still sucked leaving him. Just like with my sister, I miss certain times that that distance entaled. Like the thrill of getting a sweet text saying he missed me, seeing him for the first time in 10 days and the sweet hug and kiss that came with it. Planning dates ahead of time to make our time even more special. I get it, I get to see him all the time now and have so many sweet times and so many amazing new memories but I miss that time.
I want to remember everything, and one day I know, I will miss these days too. I guess that’s a good thing. Missing all these things because that means they were so so sweet. I know, deep. Not usually the things I talk about on here but it really got me thinking! Do you ever have these moments? I guess it’s Christmas and that has me getting all sappy!